Christine Stevens
The Earth Speaks: Humans, Do Your Worst. I Have All the Time in the World.
I love all this talk about humans saving the earth. Cracks me up. Hilarious. Like a tick trying to stop a redwood from falling over....
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Christine Stevens
- Jul 17
- 2 min
Amy Coney Barrett's 'Welcome to the Supreme Court' Party Plans for Ketanji Brown Jackson
When a new justice joins the Supreme Court, tradition requires the second-most junior justice to arrange a little party. In 2006, for...
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Christine Stevens
- Jun 4
- 2 min
Teachers Across the US Replace Moment of Silence with Moment of Screaming
NEW YORK, NY: Educators across the country have replaced their daily classroom moment of silence with a moment of screaming in the wake...
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Christine Stevens
- Apr 20
- 2 min
Woman Served Restraining Order by Excessively Handsome Neighbor; Blames 'Bridgerton Syndrome'
HADLEY, MA: A local woman is claiming she suffers from 'Bridgerton Syndrome' after being served a restraining order by her extremely good...
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Christine Stevens
- Mar 27
- 4 min
Memoirs of a Toddler: Carseat, Shmarseat
A trip to Target in the early afternoon was a pleasant surprise. Usually, at this time of day, both my younger sister (aka the Blob) and...
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Christine Stevens
- Mar 19
- 2 min
Local Woman Blamed for Spring Snowstorm After Prematurely Storing Her Winter Clothes
A Hadley woman is being held accountable for an early spring Nor’easter that caused power outages, traffic accidents, and widespread...
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Christine Stevens
- Mar 11
- 3 min
Dopey Tries to Convince Grumpy to Switch to Bitcoin Mining
Once upon a time, in a small cottage, deep in the dark woods, dwelt the Seven Dwarves. For many years, each morning, the little men would...
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Christine Stevens
- Jan 8
- 2 min
A Letter of Resignation to Captain Keller from His Daughter Helen’s Teacher
September 30, 1887 Dear Captain Keller, It is with a heavy heart and a scratched cornea that I write to inform you that I will no longer...
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Christine Stevens
- Sep 5, 2021
- 4 min
Eve Unloads Unto the Lord
1 And the Lord God looked upon the First Woman as she came of an age when the skin becomes as a desert and the daily use of a good...
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Christine Stevens
- Aug 17, 2021
- 2 min
Alabama Woman Speaks Out After Husband Electrocuted While Jamming Fork Into Light Socket
BIRMINGHAM, AL: An Alabama woman’s life was turned upside down when her healthy, athletic husband landed in the hospital after sticking a...
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Christine Stevens
- Jul 15, 2021
- 1 min
Court Rules Children with Underdeveloped Brains May Legally Purchase Guns
RICHMOND, VA: A federal law that for more than 50 years has banned licensed firearms dealers from selling handguns to young adults...
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Christine Stevens
- Jun 4, 2021
- 2 min
Texas Governor Abbott Approves Use of Vending Machines for Firearm Sales
Houston, TX: Governor Greg Abbott of Texas has approved the use of vending machines for the sale of firearms. “With the recent freedom we...
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Christine Stevens
- Apr 20, 2021
- 1 min
Record Number of Americans Failed to Refill Prozac Prescriptions in January 2021
WASHINGTON, DC: In what doctors are calling ‘an unprecedented mass pharmacological extinction event,” millions of Americans have stopped...
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Christine Stevens
- Nov 27, 2020
- 3 min
It’s Perfectly Safe to Walk Across the Village Minefield...
Dear Villagers,
Mayor Baker here with some good news! As we know, the local park has been closed since last winter when we discovered ...
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Christine Stevens
- Aug 27, 2020
- 3 min
How the West Was Done
William Bonney a.k.a. Billy the Kid (circa 1881) August 4, 2020 history.com This Day in History re: Westward Expansion Hi, I enjoy these...
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Christine Stevens
- Aug 27, 2020
- 4 min
Falling
Note: This story was performed as part of a Valley Voices Story Slam competition sponsored by WFCR, New England Public Media, my local...
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Christine Stevens
- Aug 3, 2020
- 2 min
Quick Update from the Principal re: the Lion in your Classroom
Dear Garfield Middle School Teachers,
I received a lot of feedback from many of you after my previous note about lions in your classrooms
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Christine Stevens
- Aug 1, 2020
- 3 min
Note from the Principal: This Fall Your Classroom Will be Equipped with a Lion
Dear Garfield Middle School Teachers,
As we prepare for the start of our school year, I wanted to alert you to a recent addition to your
543,835 views7 comments
Christine Stevens
- Jul 31, 2020
- 2 min
Excerpt from von Trapped: Sound of Music, Part II
(Enter Maria, with a full laundry basket and a whistle. She is in her 50’s. She moves center and blows the whistle.
1,437 views1 comment
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- Jul 17, 2020
- 3 min
The Great Snowsuit Debacle of ’21: An excerpt from Memoirs of a Toddler
I remember it as if it were yesterday. Because it was exactly yesterday! The first storm of the winter had blanketed our yard with an
189 views2 comments