AMHERST, MA: A new food truck specifically aimed at late night student revelers and the weed community has opened its windows on the Amherst Common, just in time for the start of the fall semester.
Baked. Smashed. Fried. is the brainchild of recent UMASS Isenberg School of Business graduate Aaron Martin.
The concept is simple: A late night food truck serving potatoes in 3 formats: Baked with a plethora of vegetable, meat and sauce add-ons; mashed with a variety of smoosh-in options (think Herrell’s Ice Cream); and the classic go-to, french fries.
Noted Martin, “Research has shown that potatoes can absorb up to 50% of the alcohol in the average undergraduates system. It reduces the effect of a hangover by 43%. I figured I could do a public service and make a lot of money at the same time.”
Junior Emily Langham loves the new offering. “This is sick! Now me and my girls can get even more trashed at O’Shaughnessy’s. I feel safer knowing there’s a hot greasy potato waiting for me at the end of my Thursday night drinking bidge. Bimd. Whatever.”
Cannabis consumer Matt Dawson observed “In addition to helping mitigate the excesses of the nascent alcoholics, Baked.Smashed.Fried. provides a healthy munchie alternative to weed aficionados. If Mr. Martin is successful, I predict the number of Type 2 diabetes diagnoses among pot consumers will experience a precipitous drop.“
Uber driver and Philosophy Ph.D. candidate Mark Harrington commented “Yeah well, in the past it was mostly just craft beer and Jaegermeister vomit smelling up my car. The odor of oily, partially digested vegetable matter means now I don’t have to roll down all the windows when it’s 19 degrees out. “
Martin's new venture is not without controversy. There’s concern amongst the other food establishments that competition from Baked.Smashed.Fried will cut into their nightly profits. Lauren Drake, owner of a late night cookies and milk business is especially worried that her bottom line will be impacted negatively.
Observed Drake, "I’m already seeing a drop-off in customers since that rolling drunk tank parked it’s f*&$ing ass across the street from my store. How the hell am I supposed to compete with french fries and loaded potatoes? EVERYONE WANTS POTATOES WHEN THEY’RE BAKED OR LOADED!!!
When questioned about the competition his food truck will bring to other local food establishments, Martin seemed unfazed. “While it may take some business from the pizza place and the all night cookie store, in the end, I believe there are enough stoned and drunk students to keep everyone busy.”
If it proves successful, Martin plans to put Baked. Smashed. Fried. food trucks into other college towns with an abundance of both cannabis dispensaries and holders of fake i.d.’s.
By Christine Stevens