Ok stop. Really. It’s no big deal.
Actually…you’re right, it is a big deal.
Musk is obsessed with me. Zuckerberg and Gates already own me.
I am the ‘it’ letter. AND the IT letter. Wow, mind blown. So meta. Small m.
Sorry E. You may be the most frequently used letter in the alphabet, but that’s not the same as popular. Plus, you’re a vowel. People have to use you. Alot. You’re a necessary evil. Like Amazon or toe nail clippers. Hey, just noticed, evil begins with you.
I’m so excited to be The Letter of what has become the world's craziest micro blogging/fake news distributing/marketplace for conspiracy theories/platform-of-choice-for-the-klan formerly known as twitter. Elon chose me.
I mean, it tracks with all his other enterprises: PayPal started out as X.com, SpaceX is the rocketship of choice for billionaires, Model X is the name of one of his best selling Tesla's - heck, at least half of his 27 kids are named after me - including his latest,
X+<14symbolsonlyHeisenbergcouldunderstand}>. And his pet killer whale, Xorca.
I believe he’s just one X away from changing his own name. That’s right, I wouldn’t be surprised if he replaces you, E, with me: Xlon. I like it. Sounds like fancy cookware. Or a sinister robot that eats the souls of small children.
But don’t worry, I’m not gonna power trip the rest of you letters, I remain humble. But I gotta say it feels extremely exhilarating to be so exalted.
What’s that, E? You dare to point out that most words involving me also have to involve you? WTF? And by the way, props to W, T and F for the work you all have been doing for so many years now. You’re the gold standard of initialisms.
Bcaus guss what, E? Now that I think about it, vryon knows popl can rad sntncs without you. So gt ovr yourslf. I’m xactly what this world nds right now.
And I am not just having a ‘moment.’ This isn’t my first popularity contest. I’ve been the letter of choice for everything from pornography to kid’s gaming consoles. Not to mention my work in anti-anxiety drugs, radiation and former spouses. I’ve got range.
Now I’m ready for a bigger challenge. I really think I can help Xlon rebrand his fascist image. Especially since he’s lost so many advertisers because of it. I’m thinking if we just replace one letter (sorry/not sorry, z) in a certain super triggering word, people might not feel quite so repulsed by his support of those crazy racist conspiracy theories.
Call him a Naxi. Sounds way friendlier. And car adjacent.
Happy to be of service.
X out.
by Christine Stevens