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  • Christine Stevens

Trump Hires 2 Alligators & a Clump of Spanish Moss for Defense Team

Updated: Aug 22, 2022

A Washington Post column noted last week that Trump was scrambling to find good attorneys in the wake of the FBI search of Mar-a-Lago. He posted on Truth Social that it was “fake news,” adding: “I already have excellent and experienced lawyers — am very happy with them.” Huffington Post, August 22, 2022

After expressing ‘great disappointment’ with his past legal defense teams, Donald Trump revealed he has hired two alligators and a clump of Spanish moss to represent him in matters relating to the special grand jury currently investigating whether or not the twice impeached former President illegally interfered with the 2020 election in Georgia.

“I drained the swamp,” the mob boss/Russian asset responded when asked where he found his latest team of lawyers.

The firm of Gator, Gator & Moss, LLC has taken over defending the compulsive liar in the investigation despite the fact that Andrew Gator once described Trump as “a substantial, if unhealthy, meal.”

When questioned about his new lawyers legal qualifications, the man who incited a violent insurrection replied, “Attorney Moss is a very talented invasive specie…species…whatever, very good, very skilled at covering things up. And the Gator brothers are, well, alligators.”

In addition to the election interference charges, the textbook narcissist is now suspected of selling nuclear secrets to the Saudis, based on the recent discovery of classified documents in his basement. Said the orange traitor, “I’m counting on those apex predators to eat anyone who comes near me. Starting with Merrick Garland.”

When asked what sort of precedent he would be setting by using a plant and two carnivorous beasts for legal representation, Trump said, “Been there, done that. Two words: Barr, Cohen, Giuliani.”

While known for frequently refusing to pay those who work for him, the serial sexual predator and certified loser of the 2020 election did imply that in lieu of cash, his attorneys have agreed to be paid entirely in moist air and plump Democrats.

By Christine Stevens

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