The Bounce House Rules

In order to ensure a safe, fun and healthy experience for all students during the Garfield Elementary School End of the Year Fair and Bar-b-que, the following rules will be strictly enforced, having been arrived at through trial and error:

1. A limit of 6 Bouncers at a time. This allows for 3 friend groups of 2 or 2 friend groups of 3 or one friend group of 5 and Cody P.

2. No Shoes. This would seem obvious, but after Lindsay A. tracked large clods of mud in on her Rocket Dogs, the entire operation had to be shut down for a quick sweep.

3. No Gymnastics. Tyler Q. has already been sent to the ER with a fractured eye socket after MacKenzie J. performed a perfectly executed but unexpected flip.

4. No Food. Again, another one that would seem like a no-brainer. But Rohan H. was able to slip in with his just-issued-by-the-principal popsicle and managed to not only leave a gooey coating on the entire floor but nearly impaled the stick into his own uvula which would have resulted in another ambulance call and that would not look good to the School Committee.

5. A time limit of 3 minutes per group. It turns out that after 3 minutes, the social fabric of any random or intentional grouping of 6 students breaks down rapidly, resulting in tears, accusations of “Jason D. farted! “ “No I didn’t, it was Tyler Q” “Nuh uh, Tyler’s at the hospital, it was Jayson R!” and multiple alliances formed and broken.

6. When 5 seconds are left, the students standing in line will do a countdown to warn the Bouncers that their time is almost up. Students will not shout the countdown at the top of their lungs directly into the ear of whoever is standing next to them in line nor will they say “54321” as rapidly as possible but in a measured and fair tempo. The Bouncers will then exit the bounce House quickly and safely, feet first, through the opening, unlike Alexis K. who insisted on diving head first and ended up with a minor concussion.

7. No leaning on the outside of the Bounce House. You hear that hissing sound coming through the duct tape on the corner of the Bounce House? The Superintendent got a deal, that’s the only reason we have this death trap. Plus Ryan R. suffered a catapult effect when he hurled himself against the outside of the house in a fit of fury when he was told he had to go to the back of the line because someone saw him cut in front of Jayda B. and Kylee M., the force of which propelled him into the Face Painting Booth where he totally destroyed the beautiful butterfly Mrs. G. the art teacher was painting on Kayla N.’s forehead.

We hope the students of Garfield Elementary School enjoy/survive their Bounce House experience. Have a great summer!

by Christine Stevens


© 2023 by C.M. Stevens