• Christine Stevens

Amy Coney Barrett's 'Welcome to the Supreme Court' Party Plans for Ketanji Brown Jackson

When a new justice joins the Supreme Court, tradition requires the second-most junior justice to arrange a little party. In 2006, for instance, when Justice Samuel Alito came on board, that task fell to Justice Breyer, who knew his new colleague to be a Phillies fan. Before dessert was served, Justice Breyer introduced a special guest: the Phillie Phanatic, the team’s mascot.

This year, Justice Amy Coney Barrett is the second-most junior justice and will presumably be in charge of the welcoming celebration for Justice Jackson

-New York Times, July 3, 2022

OMGosh. So pumped for the kick-bum party I get to plan for our newest justice, Kanarsie Born Johnson!

So many ideas. I’m thinking a combo of holy and off the hook! And by hook, I don’t mean that crochet hook so many women are going to be digging out of Gramma’s knitting basket pretty soon!

One thing I do know about Jumanji is that she should believe in my God. So I’m thinking we start with a high mass, in Latin, at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception (thinking of naming my next child that), where we can all pray Kenyati’s liberal agenda does not poison the sacred and regressive work of our court (that’s the holy part, obv!).

Now for the off the hook part: Reception in the Parish Hall - with decorations!

Ba-rilliant theme idea: BABIES. Since she is our newest ‘baby’ Justice, I envision giant posters of all kinds of babies: baby cells dividing, baby zygotes, baby blastocysts, baby embryos - all around the hall. Just to remind her, you know, about babies. And that she too deserves the right to life - on the Supreme Court where she will likely spend the rest of her days as a literal minority, a helpless witness to the rapid expansion of our glorious theocracy. I mean democracy. Whatever.

Anyway, moving on to food…I know Brett’s bringing the beer, guessing Sonia will make something Mexicany, Clarence always shows up with Coca-Cola, I think Elena’s kosher so that’s a bummer and Neil, Sam and John will no doubt serve up three steaming platters of White Male Privilege, Originalist Bullshit and Ribs (just to remind us ladies where we came from!). And since I want to welcome our newest justice with open-carry arms, and in honor of our first two most precious amendments to the Bill of Rights, I’ll be bringing a liquid refreshment I like to call my One Two Punch, made with lemonade and so many tequila shots it’s guaranteed to leave you speechless.

And finally, what would a party be without games? I’m thinking we should play a good old fashioned game of Hide and Seek. Me and the boys will hide any last semblance of truth, respect for what the majority of Americans want, adherence to precedent, separation of church and state, etc., and Ketogee and the other two gals can spend the next 20 or 30 years trying to find them! (Good luck with that one, suckahs!)

Oh it’s going to be epic. I think Karachi will love it. I know I will.

By Christine Stevens

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